Hi am 26yrs old single Lesbian, a full time student and work full time. am new on here and i just move from up north to the south for the first time to Alabama in a city called Montgomery. am here looking forward to make new friends.

Welcome to the site.

It all started when I was 11 years old. I was asked my dad to take me to the movies and he responded with a no and told me to ask my mom. She said it was OK and then I asked my dad to take me there again because she was at work. He was going somewhere and I was bitching at him because he would take me so he got mad. He grab a pair of my brother's drum sticks and started to hit me with it. I started to run and I tripped. He started kicking me and hitting me with the drum sticks. My arms were bleeding and bruises on my ribs and thighs. He stopped after a while but a neighbor seen him and ran in. I cried out for help while he was beating me and luckily he heard me. The neighbor called the cops and my father was arrested. He got 1.5 years in prison and when he got out, he had a restraining order to be 200 yards away me for two months. After the two months he was back in the house. I was terrified fearing that he would hurt me again. My mother was mad because she blamed me for him being in jail. I matured while he was away and was different. A week and a half later, I remember sleeping inside my bedroom until I woke up to him on top of me and raping me. I tried to get out but he holds my hands down and said he would beat me twice as hard as the time he beat me and even kill me. I'm 15 now still he comes in late at night. He does this twice a week sometimes less. I try not to think about it but I always seem to do. I don't know what to do with my life. My family consists of 2 brothers and a younger sister. No one knows about what is happening or so I think no one knows and he only does it when hes drunk which is most of the time because he is an alcoholic. He acts as if he does nothing wrong and every time I try to talk about why he does it, he says it's ok and goes on with his life. Ever since, I started getting raped my grades have dropped to all F's and I don't even go home sometimes but I'm scared what will happen. I started to cut and pop ecstasy as a way to get away from reality and feel good and just forget it and live like nothings happening but I can't keep doing this. I contemplate of suicide everyday. I want to do something but I can't do anything that would jeopardize my family. I love my family but something has to stop. I'm afraid that my mom wouldn't listen and being looked different. I want to move out but its hard because I'm still a minor. I cut down on cutting and quit ecstasy because it's killing me also. I moved in with my aunt but was sent back after I got into a few fights. I was sent back and still get raped. I close my eyes and pretend I'm a sleep sometimes crying and feel like a trash after wards. I'm slowly dying inside but outside it seems like I'm just a normal girl. Life is a ***** and you die. That's my quote on life but can anyone help me so I can change my quote on life? Please!!!!!!!

Presh.S I read your story here on the boards and couldn't help myself but to respond. I'm 42 years old and I want to tell you that you are not alone in the world. I was molested when I was 13 years old. After months I finally found the courage to tell my mother what was happening. I was lucky enough that my mother believed every word of what I was telling her. She wanted to report the incident to the police but I was afraid and ashamed of what had happened. Somewhere deep in my mind I felt as though I had done something to ask for it, that I had possibly wanted it to happen. So I kept my mouth shut and tried very hard to go on with my life. I spent many years in counseling learning that what happened wasn't my fault. Then a few years later I found out that the same man who had molested me had done the same thing to a 3 year old little girl. The pain and anguish I have carried with me my whole life has been incredible. The counseling has helped me to learn that I wasn't responsible for what happened to me and it has helped me learn to live with what happened to that little girl. But, somewhere deep inside, I have always realized that had I reported what he did to me that little girl would have been saved from living a life with the same anguish. I will always carry that responsibility with me. I bring up my story, though so very different from your own, only because I fear for you and your sister. I know the feeling of not wanting to destroy a family. I know the fear of what might happen if no one believes you but you are stronger than you think. You wake everyday with this burden and push yourself to go on. If that is not a show of strength then I do not know what is. Use that strength, call on it, and do what you know you must do for your own safety and that of your sister. Talk to someone at your school, call a suicide hotline and speak to someone annonymously (1-800-273-TALK (8255)), call the police. Do that which you feel you have the strength to do but do not keep quiet. You are more important than anyone in this world. You are more important than your father, your mother, anyone. You must do what is best for you and anyone who loves you will eventually understand. Protect yourself and your sister because this will continue even if you leave. And know, always, that you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to I am more than willing to be the ear you might very well need but I urge you to consider what I have said and talk to someone.