When I was younger - like even before HS, I wanted to be a lawyer. Wasn't aware that people hated lawyers, I just know I wanted to make a difference. I saw a movie - "What makes a family" is what I think it was called, and it made me really want to make a difference. I wanted to be a civil rights attorney.
As I started getting into it, I got scared and I dropped out. I dropped it because I was afraid of failing. So, I decided I wanted to get into developing children's games. But left that too because everyone convinced me that there would be no money in it- and money is the neccessary root of all evil. I got scared that I would fail that too, that I wouldn't make a difference, that I wouldn't be able to make a change for the better in this world. So, I opted for something to do in which I knew I couldn't fail.
I choose web design as my default, because I could at least do that without worrying about failing so much. I guess, in an indirect way I can make a difference and change the world, but I know for a fact this isn't something that I want to keep doing.
I love videos, animations, the lesbian and gay community. I love children. I always wanted to do something with these. I feel like I have been scared of doing everything my whole life and I'm at this point because of default. I think, this is the reason I am really upset - because I knew I could have been more, done more, but I let myself convince my head that I would do nothing but fail.
and now, at something I care little about I'm afraid of failing at that. It was better to have failed at something I loved, than to not have tried, because now I always feel unhappy because I didn't give it a shot. And I feel like things could have turned out differently. I find so many people who haven't followed their dreams, and I wonder if it was because they all got scared as well.