There is no spoon...there is no Arizona....there is no you....

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I left at 11. Got home at 11:20. My fastest walk. Im not sure why I walked home so fast. Guess seeing the pictures of you that day made me think that you were at home waiting for me. Like I had finished my term, my duty, my service and I was coming back home to be with you again. I stood outside the door to catch my breath. As my heart was pounding, my mind was racing.

I would just go upstair, drop my things on the floor, quietly change my jeans and lay down in the bed beside you. Behind you, watching you sleep so peacefully. I would take my hand and gently place it on your shoulder, kiss the back of your neck and hold you. Wisper "I'm home" as I glide my hand down your arm wrapping it around you. You roll back towards me to give me a smile "Hi baby, your home." Your soft heavenly voice brings a smile to my face. I kiss you on the sholder and you give a soft laughing smile. "Time for nu' night baby" as you roll back around. I kiss your sholder again, wrap my arms and legs around you, and hold on to you tight. And as I lie there watching you sleep, I hear myself turn the key in the door. As the key turns, my world returns, the image fades and I realize you're no longer here. You were never here, it was all just a thought. A happy future glance ... that yet left me feeling so sad. And as I walked up the stairs, dropped my things on the floor, I looked at the apartment. There is no you. I lied down on the couch, holding myself, letting the painful tears leave a trail of sadness down my cheeks. I miss you so much...."