is my living in vain continued pt.3

User Rating: / 1
PoorBest 

Posted by 1hellavawomyn in Short Stories on April 13, 2010  |  0 Comments More from this author  |

i started to noticed i enjoyed the company of girls at around age 11. i had plenty of guy friends because i was unlike the usual girl. i played sports i had a sense of humor and i kept myself around girls. a guys paradise. i don't think i though much of that well at least not that i was differant. i was brought up around womyn my mom and my three sisters. my mom only had a friend or two she kept to herself, it was work and home for her, not much else. i remember going over one of my moms friends house and played pool in her basement while my mom and her friend laughed and talked about their co-workers. i had to be down there for at least 30 minutes when i noticed i grew broed of playing all alone. the door bell rings, i hear my moms friend laugh and call for me to come upstair. there stood this beautifully sun-kissed girl, smiling from ear to ear as she hugged my mother. i was froze to the floor only able to speak when nugged. keep her company she's down stairs playing pool alone i heard in a faint voice. after a minute or so i was following this beauty up a few stair toward a corner room covered in lace and smelled of spray starch. i couldnt speak and i wasn't sure why. i found myself watching her lips as she spoke answering with nodds and gestures. she found me adorable she told me. i bet all the boys like you in school, i simply shrugged my shoulders and smirked. we played pool for a while then retreated outside where her friends had gathered around immediately i didn't like one person in particular.  he drove me around on his moped i didn't want to ride but my angel insisted. he was her boyfriend or some special person she hugged and whispered in their ear. i didn't know it was jealousy i was only 9 yet the way her smile made me feel was ageless. when i was in the 7th grade i felt a similar attraction to a classmate. just hearing her voice gave me chills, i didn't tell her how i felt because i was unsure myself. i would walk her to her classes her locker, it didn't seem strange because people seem me with a lot of girls anyway but i felt strange like i was doing something in secret. i would leave school trying to speed up time however way i could just so i could get back to school and be around her. one day i couldn't get enough of her i kept passing letters to her and snickering in class, we were both given detention. for me detention wasn't a big deal but for her it meant no bus ride home. she was upset with me for a minute until i told her i would talk her home. on the way home she confessed to me that she has had dreams of me, when i asked her to explain she said a dream you would have about your boyfriend. my entire body wanted to faint because that meant she like me like i liked her. she told me that i was a boy in her dreams and i pointed out to her that i would never be a boy. she laughed trying to ease my mind by telling me i would be a super cute boy. that day changed our friendship. i became more protective of her. her 'boojee' mannerisms made other girls hate her but i would never allow them to do no more than complain about her ways. no one ever questioned me they just thought she and i were really good friends which we were but with a secret twist. i wrote her a letter one day that was attached to an audio tape i made on a cassette player. i told her of my feelings for her in a confusing beat around the bush type of way. unfortunately it got around the whole school the next day by 3rd period. people questioned me in the hallway asking me if i was gay. i didn't know how to anwser but more importantly why were they asking me if i like girls? my true friends took me aside and told me that she had a letter where i told her i wanted to be her boyfriend which was totally not what i wrote. when i got the news i immediately went to her class and waited for her outside. i would walk right out of class not caring what the teacher thought. most of the teachers could careless and the one that did got a bathroom story out of me. when the bell rang she smiled as i came through the door as students piled out. i asked her where was the letter i wrote her and she began to rifle through her folders, i must of lost it she said, im sorry. i told her that it was all over school that i wanted to go with her, before she could react we heard the soft chant of 'fight fight' soon kids piled around us and egged us to fight. i tried to destingish the crowd but it jus grew and grew. i saw in her eyes she was worried i dismissed the chants and told her i would speak to her later. the crowd booed but dared not say much more. i was known for my quick temper, another reason the look of worry overwhelmed my crushes eyes. the rest of the day she avoided me. i was told by several people to hit her up and teach her to start rumors about me, but i believed her when she said she lost the letter i tried to convince my friends that someone changed my words but all they saw was disrepect. i tried to call her but she was sure i wanted nothing more than to set up an after school fight. i told my friends not to interfer that i would handle it on my own terms, shortly after the istep testing she changed schools. i was forced to deal with how i felt alone. i would see her again the next year at a basketball game i was told not to attend because i had got in a fight on the court a week prior. she saw me and ran towards me like a long lost love i even felt her lips press aggainst my neck as she squeezed me tight. she told me she loved me i didn't know how to respond to her sudden gesture. to see her smile again and smell her scent made me high on her, it was worth the potential suspension would be well worth it for showing up to a school game for which i was banned from. the princible mrs. albright allowed me to stay after i explained to her i couldn't be there for my team. i was always good at talking my way in and out of trouble. when i finally told my friends that i liked girls i was 17 and the first thing they said besides laughter was 'so that stuff in 7th grade was true' lol i was never 'in the closet' i just didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone about my feelings. the only reason i told them was so that they wouldn't beat up my girlfriend, i told them she was my cousin but after all the bullshit they took from her not letting me hang out with them a line had been crossed and they were intent on teaching her not to disrespect me. she was extremely possessive and they now knew why. after the laughter died down the questions became more personal, 'do u kiss?' 'where do you people meet?' 'so you don't like guys?' those were the types of questions my three closest friends asked oh and of course the 'are you attracted to me?' questioning. i explained to them that none of them was my type and i wasn't even sure if i had a type yet none of them were that. again laughter filled the room. at this age i was living on my own my mom had found out i was dating a womyn so she put me out, happiest day ever, the night was a differant story. i was 17 she was 21